Holiday Reset - Fat Fast Day 2

So it's morning of day 2 and I hop on the scale, and it reads -2.6 lbs, and 1% bf. Awesome. I have now shifted below the weight I keep getting stuck at. Now I just have to keep my momentum going!

My sleep is still off quite a bit, and I was in bed late, so I managed to sleep through 4 alarms, so no, no morning cardio.

Food for the day:

Brekkie - 1 cheesecake muffin, 2 bacon
Lunch - 1 lemon cheesecake fat bomb, add 1/2 tsp xylitol, 1 pepperello
Dinner - 4 keto jalapeno poppers
Snack - slice of roast beef
Lots of water

1073 cals
17g carbs
5g fiber
97g fat
36g protein

I am struggling a lot with the psychology of not having a huge amount of food on my plate. It's really, really weird to experience but I have this undercurrent of "this is not enough, I can't do this" running on tape through my head all day.  I was thinking to do a 5 day fat fast, but I am not sure that I can maintain that without panicking. Sounds cowardly, I know, but it's this very scary, primal fear going on.

Day 3 for dinner I am going to break my fat fast with some Pho (extra meat, hold the noodles, extra sprouts) but I am concerned that I will have a hard time during the day. The key is to plan ahead and bring some food with me.

I am going to hold off on the gym today too. I don't think I want to spend an hour doing cardio on this amount of calories, and I also don't want to add to my insane fear of hunger. I will talk to one of my coworkers about hitting a cardio class Thursday on our lunch.

Holiday Reset - Fat Fast Day 1

So I have been maintaining around the same 7 lbs. for months, and although there were many days over the holiday that I ate keto, there were many, many more that I did not. Thus the up and down float of 7 lbs.

So Sunday I got my baking on and made myself a batch of Cheesecake Muffins and Lemon Cream Cheese Fat Bombs. In my head it all seemed very simple, only pack this, everything will be fine. I woke up this morning, did 20 mins of TurboJam (I don't care how dorky I may look doing that workout, I effing love the TurboJam. Effing. Love. It.) and then ate before I left. I think tomorrow I will try the same cardio but eat just before I get to work to stave off the mid-day "Hooongrays."

Anyway, meals for the day:

Brekkie: 1 creamcheese muffin, 2 slices PC Bacon
Lunch: Lemon Creamcheese Fatomb, add 1/4 packet splenda (I had to. I never splenda but I did not taste the recipe in my rush to cook/substituting 1 tbsp. xylitol for the 50 drops stevia. I dislike stevia, but was too light handed with the xylitol.)
Dinner: 1 creamcheese muffin, 2 slices PC Bacon
Snack: 1 creamcheese muffin, 2 slices Country Naturals Roast Beef

I'm not faint with hunger, but my head is having a really hard time wrapping itself around eating so little food. I love my big ass salads with a crap ton of veggies, smothered in bacon and ranch.

But I need. NEED. Need psychologically to get off this plateau (which yes, I get is caused by me giving up and cheating.) But really, if I eat at a deficit but too many carbs, the scale is going up. I don't know why, I don't care why, I just need to create some momentum.

Tomorrow I have the evening at home and will make my keto jalapeno poppers. It will make my day 2 so very much worth it.

TMI time, my pee is going a funny color again and I am testing 3/5 on the keto strips. Last time I did a fat fast it turned orange/pink and I went to the doctor's. Nothing came of it, so I figure I am okay to try it again. Yay kidneys! If it goes a fuunny color again I will see my doc again.

Stupid Brain a.k.a. Dammit, I am gonna learn to lift!

So I've been reading about StrongLifts, Starting Strength and New Rules of Lifting for Women. I've been reading a whole whack of posts about people adding lifting to a keto diet and thinking "Man, I should try that!"

But my stupid brain kept saying fun things like, "You can't go to the gym and try that, you'll do it wrong and look like an idiot", or "trying that yourself is going to result in pain/injury because you are too inexperienced to try this."

Stupid Brain.

Hiring a trainer is not a possibilty money wise, so I had to keep thinking about how I was going to get this done. Then it hit me. I can ask someone I know for help. (I am not great at this, I love to do for other people, but have this 'I can do it all myself!' thing going on.)

I asked a coworker if we could meet up so that he could show me what to do and check my form. And he said absolutely, AND came to the Goodlife closest to my house on a Saturday afternoon.

Turns out I was able to follow instruction well, and my form is fine for a beginner. (I can't go to low in my squats yet, but I can work on this.) After a few sets, I was confident enough to do the rest of my sets on my own. Aaaaallllright! I am going to have to work my way up in weights, but I think I am ready to go!

Day 2 - So far, so good.

I'm enjoying the end of my day, and although there have been a few hiccups, I think the pre-cooking and pre-planning helped to move things along.  I kept my meals really simple, with some cream cheese cupcakes for 2 of my meals, and some Shirataki Chicken Carbonara for the other two meals. Hop over to www.nuttyabouthealth.com for the cupcake recipe.

Try the cream cheese cupcake recipe from Nutty About Health!

The shirataki noodles are a great find for me. In Toronto, you can get them at T & T Supermarket, or in Kensington Market at Essence of Life. They have 20 calories and 3g carbs per 1/2 bag, last a really long time in your fridge, and cook up really well.  They do have a few drawbacks, the first and most obvious being that they smell like old socks when you first open the bag. 

For the love of FSM, rinse and boil your Shirataki noodles!

 I rinse and drain the noodles 3 times, then boil for 3 minutes before adding the sauce and eating. (Trust me, this makes a difference.)  The other drawback is that the noodles have a little more "chew" on them than regular noodles, which I think for most people will not be a big problem.

For the sauce I was lazy. I cooked up and shredding some chicken breasts on Sunday to keep in the fridge and use for the next few days. I threw 1/2 a breast into President's Choice Carbonara Sauce, covered it an nuked it for 2 minutes while I finished cooking the noodles, then mixed it all together and fell into a bacony/chickeny/cheesy coma. It was pretty delicious, so much so that I went out and bought more chicken for this week so I could have it a few more times.

Now I am sitting at my desk trying to type for as long as I can, as I am trying to not work out. I really, really don't want to at this point in the evening, so I am fighting the guilt of not going to the gym for almost 2 weeks, and the exhaustion that is racking my brain and body. (And I wonder why I am so unhealthy! Whether or not I realize it every time, I am pretty sure I do things like this a lot!!)

I will have to post tomorrow so you can find out which way my brain and I decided to go...

Poor Life Decisions

Thanksgiving is one of my favourite holidays, mostly because I get drunk on turkey and stuffing. This year I was a "turkey orphan" as my family cancelled the big family shindig, so I cooked up a feast for some friends and I to enjoy together.

I've been struggling to eat keto consistently, mostly because for NO REASON AT ALL I stopped meal planning and shopping on a regular basis. So since I was struggling I thought, "Screw it. Doing a carby thanksgiving!"

And I did. Pork sausage stuffing, jalapeno citrus cranberry sauce, maple buttercup squash. It was a delicious meal (and series of leftovers.)  But then I couldn't get back into eating keto and I have been sugar and wheat binging for over a week, and MAN does my body feel it. Oh, and I have also discovered that when I eat larger amounts of wheat my stomach goes apeshit. And yet what was I eating all week? Yeah. Poor life decisions.

Anyway I spent this morning looking up recipes and will be meal planning for the week. No one is going to do it for me!

I am also thinking of getting back to lifting weights again, but I am having a huge amount of anxiety around going to the gym and teaching myself. I am not in a position to pay a trainer either. I will have to keep lurking /r/xxfitness until I can get my head right.

I'm going to do a quick 3-day fat fast to kick myself back into ketosis. Hell if I add a little cardio in I can get there in a day and a half. My body likes keto I don't know why I keep sabotaging or failing to plan.

A Slight Stall, a Gain, a Major Refocus

As per my usual way of operating, I got really frustrated getting stalled at the same 5 lbs. lost and regained, and my stress response to bad news was to stop any and all routine that I had around keto. Couple this with my love of stress eating and penchant for self-destruction, I have been less than stellar with eating keto.

And while I gained some of the weight back, I'm not feeling terrible or guilty about it. I *am* finding it interesting that I can eat the same amount of calories a day (1600-1800), but if I eat lots of wheat, I gain pretty consistently. What the hell is that all about?

Gym wise, I am going several times a week on my lunch break. I need the stress relief and there are 5 that are fairly close to where I work. I particularly love BodyCombat, and have discovered the addictiveness that is Zumba.  I am mosdef not a fan of BodyAttack because it is too much jumping for my legs to handle.

Anyway, I had a number in my head that once I hit the scale, no more slacking on my weekdays, back to Keto Business.  I hit that number last week, so I planned out my meals for the rest of the month, and decided to do a 3 day Fat Fast to kick my ass back into ketosis.  I started today. This morning I was not in  ketosis, this evening, I am. I did a light workout at the gym as well, just to help kickstart the process a little faster, but I did not expect to switch up within the first 12 hours!!

I didn't relish the idea of macadamia nuts and cream cheese for the next three days, so I am trying several foods out. I am especially excited to try Keto Alfredo meal idea, but with some Shiratake noodles. I don't eat a huge amount of cheese day to day, but I do like it. Shove 3 types of cheese and make it into keto pasta sauce? Yes please!

Today I did:

4 slices bacon
Cream cheese and Cucumbers
Coffee with Heavy Cream and Almonds
Another coffee with heavy cream

I haven't managed to get home and make dinner yet, but I will definitely eat. I'm not hungry despite sitting at 800 calories for the day so far, but the aim of the game is 1000, so I am going to go for it.

I will update after the fat fast to share the results. Also, to bitch and complain if I hate doing a fat fast.

Sabotage

Just an angsty check in.  Keto rocks my world, it's been incredible how easy this has been.

I am with 4 lbs. of my lowest body fat % in years. I can run for the bus and not feel like I'm going to die. I'm wearing clothes that I haven't fit into for years.

So last week I got some good news/bad news about a friend. The good news is that he was not angry at me and ignoring my phone calls/emails. The bad news is that he's dead.

This has thrown me for a loop. Completely.  The reason keto has been working is in part, because of the routine I have in place for things like grocery shopping, making food ahead, planning, and a few workouts a week. That is all out the door, along with my sleeping schedule, so I'm up 4 lbs. and having trouble with all of it.

But this too shall pass.